Oh, I know that, but you can’t raise boys to be scared of life. You gotta brew some recklessness into them.
Note: This started as a draft on Father’s Day and was finished the following day.
I am celebrating my first Father’s Day today. Ashley insists that I technically celebrated my first Father’s Day last year (as she was pregnant at the time), but I’m counting this one as my first. I am overjoyed that I am lucky enough to be a father. I realize it sounds trite, but my life has been altered, for the better, when Max was born. While I am still a novice at this whole “dad thing”, I have plenty of thoughts and opinions on the subject. If you’ll humor me, I think you’ll find that those opinions may not be what you expect.
Fear
One of the most difficult things about becoming a parent is the pain I feel everyday as I walk out the door and leave my son behind. I didn’t really expect it to affect me, but it does. I hate leaving him. That does not mean, however, that I want to spend all my time with him. To be honest, I occasionally need breaks and that’s okay. Ashley is more than willing to take him when I’m feeling overwhelmed, which is becoming less frequent. I believe what I feel when I leave in the mornings for work is fear. I fear missing his milestones. I fear that something may happen and he might need me while I’m gone. I fear that he’ll forget about me if I spend too much time working.
I read an interesting quote from Steve Jobs, who said that having children is like having “your heart running around outside your body”. I believe this. I feel so much love for Max and so much fear that he’ll get hurt. I get caught up in thinking in terms of “what-ifs”. I hope to come to terms with these thoughts, but one day he’s going to grow up; One day, he’s going to scrape his knee; One day, he’s going to have his heart broken. The knee jerk reaction is to let him grow up inside a bubble and try to insulate him from the big bad world. This is a horrible idea. There are truly wonderful things in this world and I want him to experience as many of those wonderful things as he can. I just hope that I am able to let go at the right times and let him experience life.
Becoming a Father
I believe most everyone has the capability of becoming a father. Assuming you’re not shooting blanks and your partner is capable, anyone can become a father (even if it does require a little help). Should everyone become a father? Hell no. I have news for you pal, having a kid changes your life. For me, I believe it changed it for the better. However, I’m not going to sit here on my high horse and suggest that becoming a father is the right thing for you to do. Odds are, you won’t even know if it’s the right thing for you until it happens. It’s frightening. You’ll be responsible for another human. You’ll have to wake up every two hours for those first couple of weeks and change your baby and ensure your baby is getting fed. It sucks. Every time Ashley and I had to wake up to change and feed Max, we looked at each other and said, “Only one.” Are we going to have more? I have no idea, but one is plenty for me right now.
If you’re going to take that leap though, if you think you want it, my only advice is to be involved. Become involved in any way that you can. Due to certain circumstances, I had to be the one to wake up, change Max, and hand him to Ashley for feeding. I had never changed a diaper until I changed Max. You learn quick. I cannot recommend doing this enough if you are going to become a father. You bond with your child and it makes you appreciate them more… later… much later.
I can’t tell you if having a kid is the right thing for you and I’m not going to sit here in my ivory tower and suggest to you that it’s the greatest thing in the world for every guy out there. My father is of the firm belief that everyone should experience. Fuck that; You are who you are and you may not want that. That’s fine. It doesn’t make you less of a person. For me, however, it’s one of the greatest things in my life. It’s new, it’s scary, but I am looking forward to every day, every challenge.